i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
