Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
