He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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