I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
