I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We left the knife in your bed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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