i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
