just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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