i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
