Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
