If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
