Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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