ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
