i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize