You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
