worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
