went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
