I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
