You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize