We tried having a conversation with our noses.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
