if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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