So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
