i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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