I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
