Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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