I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
