Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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