this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
