I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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