I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
