This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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