i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
