Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
