My cat gives me a boner
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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