bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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