there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
