I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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