I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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