On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
