as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
