When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
