4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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