God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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