Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
