You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
