I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
