She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
