Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
