I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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