it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
