nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
