6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
