he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
