lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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