well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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