arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
