i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
