i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
