I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
