just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
