i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
