I understand Curling. That high.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
