Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
