Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
