Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
