If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
