Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
