I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
