I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
