There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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