I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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