I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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