I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
