I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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