It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
