Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
