I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
