dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
