Its about making memories worth repressing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you didnt know i had herpes?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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