just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Panties = found
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
