exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
